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we all have to do it again   
08:39pm 08/03/2004
 
mood: horrible
i feel horrible, i just told the girl i like last night how i feel, and now she wont talk to me, maybe im over exagerating cause i like her so much, but thats just it, i like her so much, and i dont wnat to lose her, please talk to me , please
 
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this is the last time   
07:34pm 29/02/2004
 
mood: emo
wow it has been a long time since i have posted, and absouloutly nothing has happened, but its all good, oh wait , yea, something did happen, stephanie broke up with me, and i tried nothing to get her back, well thats my problem. but besides that i now know of like 5 girls that like me, and im going to warped tour, so the good overcomes the bad.
last thursday i slept at travs and like a 2 in the morning we went to new iberia and i bought the new coheed cd at WAL MART for 7 BUCKS shit i didnt think they would have that at wal mart, and for that little, but oh well, its a awesome cd
Im moving to jersy with trav after high school and/or college, so we can party all the time, and i can meet some hunnies






dont say that you want me i know that you don't want me now
 
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questions kill me   
09:14pm 03/02/2004
 
mood: emo
time started >>8:30
>> first name >> Lee
>> middle name >> Joeseph
>> last name >> Pillaro
>> nicknames >> Ender,i am ender along with travess, the king, loser
>>sex>> male
>> location >> someplace golden
>> star sign >> aries
>> birthday >> April 8th
>> school >> HMS
>> siblings >> 1
>> hair color >> Dark Brown
>> eye color >> Green
> height >> 6'2"
>> piercings >> no, but maybe my lip later
> tattoos >> I have sleeves, cause there emo
>> shoe size >> 13

::: DO YOU :::
>> drink >> yes
>> like the taste of alcohol >> yes
>> have a crush >> I am a emo kid, come on
>> have a boyfriend/girlfriend >> yeah
>> talk to strangers >> if they have candy
>> hate yourself >> well ... sometimes
>> hate people >> yes
>> sleep with a stuffed animal >> yes.
>> like school >> no, does anyone
>>belive in magic>> magic: the gathering
>> believe in astrology >> if its good
>> believe in ghosts >> yep
>> have secrets >>yes
>> want to go to collage>> no, i wnat to be with my band
>> wish on stars >> always
>> take walks in the rain >>always
>> sing in the shower >>always
>> use sarcasm>> who me, never
>> go to church >> yes
>> pray >> yes
>> hate your parents >> nope

>> like to be yourself >> i am myself
>> take a shower everyday >> no
>> think you're attractive >> no, in fact i know im not

>> want to get married >> of course
>> believe in yourself >> no , why try if all i do is fail
>> pull your hair >> when nervous
>> drive >> yes
>> share a room >> nope
>> write poems >> not often
>> write songs >> yes , for my band , witch i am the singer, clever dan, so yes i do
>> get motion sickness >> not really
>> like thunderstorms >> i like all rain storms
::: THIS OR THAT :::
>> coke or pepsi >> coke
>> coffee or tea >> cofee
>> black or white >> black
>> hug or kiss >> kiss
>> tv or computer >> computer
>> email or aim >> aim
>> rose or lily >> rose
>> math or history >> history
>> sweet or sour >> sweet sweet and passionate
>> club or house party >> house party
>> drink or shot>> drink
>> beer or shot >> Beer
>> match or lighters >> match in hopes ill catch fire
>> single or group dates >> group, its funner that way
>> wicked witch of the east or west >> east is emo
>> heaven or hell >> heaven
>> make love or fuck >> make love, my heart has to be in it
>> swiss cheese or american >> swiss, like the army
>> gold or silver >> platnium
>> punk or emo >> emo all the way
>> hot or cold >> cold
>> dark or light >> dark
>> read or watch tv >> anime
>> spring or autumn >> autumn
>> winter or summer >> winter
>> operas or plays >> plays
>> cds or tapes >> cds
>> dvds or vhs >> dvds
>> old or new >> brand new
>>mexican food or chinese food>> mexican home boy, i cut you
>> commericals or infomercials >> commercials
>> cars or trucks >> cars
>> passionate kiss or peck >> passionate kiss
>> back rub or foot massage >> back rub
>> picture frames or photo albums >> frames
>> pens or pencils >> pens are emo
>> chocolate milk or hot chocolate >> choclolat milk
> ocean or pool >> the ocean at sunset
::: FAVORITE... :::
>> color >> baby blue, grey , maroon and black
>> type of music >> emo
>> tv show>> serial experiments lain
>> movie >> island of docter maroue
>> song >> KONSTANTINE by SoCO, we all love that one
>> band >> brand new , soco , afi , dashboard and coheed and cambria
>> clothing store >> Hot Topic
>> holiday >> valentines
>> shoe store >> no shoes
>> day of the week >> Saturday
>> month >> November
>> radio station >> 96.5
>> cartoon >> serial experments lain
>> pizza topping >> supreme
>> jello flavor >> mexican
>> board game >> scattergories
>> disney character >> i hate disney
>> magazine >> alternitive press
>> season >> Autumn
>> person to talk to online >> Steph, Trav, Geo, Jizzy , Tabi and ali when she is on
>> restaurant >> la pizzeria, thank you steph , your the best

::: HAVE YOU EVER :::
>> been in love >> yes i love love
>> lied >> yep
>> given someone a bath >> a dirty old man
>> bungee jumped >> no
>> broken the law >> yes
>> fallen for the wrong guy >> im not gay , and never for the wrong girl
>> cut your own hair >> yes, saves money
>> stalked someone >> nope, i cant remember
>> fought with your parents >> yes my mom is crazy
>> been sarcastic >> yes
>> talked to someone >> WTF mate? of course
>> hugged someone >> YES!
>> laughed until you cried >> yes
>> drank >> yes
>> been so drunk you blacked out >> actually i have
>> skipped school >> yep
>> kept a secret from everyone >> yep
>> wanted to hook up with a friend >> yes, and i have
>> mooned anyone >> yes
>> been on a diet >> no
>> broken a bone >> not my own
>> got into a fight >> yes
>> thought of killing someone >> yes
>> thought of killing yourself >> not that emo
>> gone skinny dipping >> yes
>> told a little white lie >> yep
>> been on tv >> yeah
>> been on the radio >> no
>> been to a concert >> yes yes i have, alot , but motely underground stuff
>> loved someone so much it made you cry >> yes i cry alot
>> been on an airplane >> i am scared
>> came close to dying >> yes
>> cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend >> no but have been cheated on , like twice
>> terrorized a babysitter >> no
>> snuck out of the house at night >> yes yes i have
>> felt like you didn't belong >> yeah
>> felt like the third wheel >> reinvinting the wheel to run my self over
>> been arrested >> nope
>> had your tonsils removed >> no
>>kissed in the rain>> yes i have
>> asked a friend for relationship advice >> yeah
>> had a friend steal your boyfriend/girlfriend >> no
>> watched the sunset or sunrise with someone you loved >> christine, i loved her more than ever that night
>> had to wear a uniform to work >> yes
>> bowled a perfect game >> no
>> failed a class >> no

::: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF :::
>> Valentine's day >> utterly desprately hanging on the edge
>> death >> one day...
>> suicide >> hurts to many pepole
>> murder >> no
>> pre-marital sex >> maybe
>> terrorism >> cant trrorize something that cant eb scared
>> threesomes >> HELL YEAH
>> politics >> anarchy
>> cloning >> there are allready clones
>> britney spears and madonna kissing >> moddona is to old
::: CHILDHOOD :::
>> did you play with barbies >>no
>> did you own treasure trolls?>> yes
>> did you play simon >> yes
>> did you watch fraggle rock >> FRAGGLE ROCK KICKS
>> were you shy >> oh yeah
>> were you spoiled >> never
>> were you abused >> nope
>> were you in a car accident >> no
>> did you build snowmen >> im from louisianna
>> did you cry when you scraped your knee >> maybe
>> did you think slinkies were cool >> hell yes
>> were your older cousins mean to you >> no
>> did you believe in santa >>didnt we all
>> did you think the ninja turtles lived in the sewer >> they don't?....
>> were you afraid of the dark >> yep
>> did you have slumber parties >> one

::: RANDOM :::
>> do you believe in aliens >> yes
>> name three things next to your desk >> cds, water, air
>> do you have any hidden talents >> no, i belive in hidden in plain veiw
>> do others think you're good looking >> my exs, at the time when they wernt my ex's
s>> are you afraid of roller coasters >> love them
>> do you own a pool table >> nope
>> do you have a pool >> yeah
>> do you like chocolate >> yep
>> what's on your calendar >> right now its coheed and cambria
>> how many states have you been to >> many
>> ever wished on a shooting star >> yes!
>> best halloween costume you wore >> PETER PAN
::: CURENTLY :::
>> wearing >> my cords and count the stars t shirt
>> watching >> computor screen
>> listening to >> Getaway plan - funeral for a freind
>> eating >> bread
>> drinking >> coke
>> thinking >> about lost love
>> wishing >> it wouldnt be lost
>> wanting >> to be on deep elm
>> loving >>everything emo
>> time ended >> 9 :12
 
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talent show rejects   
09:36pm 15/01/2004
 
mood: enthralled
i havent worte in forever
but its all good cause i am over ali and have moved on , i really dont care about her anymore, besides a freind , i have found someone new, who is better , yes she is the best , her name is stephanie, she is just the greatest
yeah the dying years( that is my band) entered the talent show , but we lost. everyone was bitching at the judges because they wanted us to win, and i mena everyone , people i didnt even know were screaming out my name , i have found what i wnat to do the rest of my life , i love music. they gave the prize to a stuck up girl who played chopin' s waltz in b minor without a b key on the piano. shes a bitch to but it nicely, but hey every good success story begins the way ours did this night
good night star light , i know your eading this


with out you next to me it feels like 20 below
 
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this may mean little to you , but i means the world to me   
10:46pm 23/12/2003
 
mood: emo
i am kinda happy , i might be getting back together with my ex girlfreind , but im not shure , hopefully i will because she is the only girl i want , she says i cant say that she is the only one , but i know she is , i miss her so good. ali. i said it , i said her name , she is the one i have missed in all the best journals , the best one i have been missing , and i might be back with her. that would make me the happiest mofo in the world
even happier than if the dying years got a contract tommarow, and that would make me damn happy
good bye , i hope i see you later , and i hope i will hold you , i hope you will be by my side , so i could hold you and never let this fade away, ali
 
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hello everyone , ill be slitting my neck now   
10:00pm 13/12/2003
  My name i Lee Pillaro , im from Louisiana, yeah im a punk ass emo bitch, im in a band (emo of course)were i play my guiar and sing about my fucking broken heart and my lost love.were called The Dying Year. you can check out your website here http://geocities.com/autumn_in_may_music/ . It sucks now , we dont have mp3s and we only have 3 lyrics posted , but you can sign my guestbook and tell us what you think of the lyrics , becasue besides those 3 , we have about 45 or 50 more we have recorded but were waiting for the webite to get better. we used o be called autum in may incase you ere wondring so these ar some of my bands i like

belle and sebtian
die radio die
jamison ad parker
the starting line
color blind light
azure ray
dashboard confessinal
fall out boy
coheed and cambria
prize fighter
the praze fight
motion city soundtrack
burns out bright
about everything on deep elm, saddle creek (bsides bright eyes) and jade tree
stars hide fire
lucky boys confusin
TBS
further seem forever
the smiths
the rocking horse winner
count the stars
brand new
afi
somehow hollow
the anniversery
the jazz june
the rocket summer
darian the pedstrain
the get up kids
reggie
the new amsterdms
thye june spirt
a seasons drive and aot others
 
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look at what your brother did , here he did away with me   
05:22pm 13/12/2003
 
mood: depressed
well for starters im at travs house , and for shits and giggles , im drinking a shmitz gay. i miss you , i know you read this , and i miss you so much , and everyones freinds with you and i never even talk to you
 
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It's been a buitiful run   
08:38am 29/11/2003
 
mood: kinda happy , mostly emo
WOW its been a long time and nothing at all has happened. I just got back from texas and there was nobody there i knew , besides family , and there was no girls there , yeah i am looking for a girlfreind now , I'm not just gonna sit around and wait for someone to come along , im taking actions into my own hands. So if your interested talk to me , not that you would be.Autumn in may is going good, that just for all the fans , all of the 2s and 3s of ya. well i got the Static Lullaby cd , emo is evil 2 , plea for peace 2 and 3 and the new june spirit, i got Final Fantasy X2 too, the june spirit is a great band. im still in love with the one who never held on , but im coming to relize i never let go , she said she would talk to me im so happ
 
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new songs   
08:49am 04/10/2003
 
mood: depressed
i have to write new songs cause i cant find my old ones, but i like my new ones ive written so far better one called " reinventing the art of beating my self up" and anothers called "missing your memorey" thanks to pj for that name. but its cool that i lost my old stuff , im not as angry as i was, cause now i cnat write new better ones, and i still have all my old ones that i liked alot, thanks to fairly and the site so now im just awesome, and so is everyone else, unsless your a fag, than your gay , i hate queers
 
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i hope this letter finds you well   
08:22am 01/10/2003
 
mood: depressed
well its been a long time since i wrote. and nothns happened. still hate i hate, still like everything i like, with a little bit of new stuff throw in. I dont know why but my dad orded me a PA system for my band ROCK OUT!!!!!! yeah it cam in today, thatw as sweet, and he said if i found a cheap guitar on ebay i can get it, so im lookin at them now. i love my life, i like when you dont know if someone likes you, but you think they do. that is the best feeling ever. So yeah , the season of emo is upon us, and it shows more here than anywhere else, besides when the leaves are turning. but we have the smell, the smell of the sugar can buring , i love that smell its the best. this weekend i dont know if i can go to practice , i hopw i can, and sleep there, and go out to the pasture at like 2 to hit a joe. yeah

i hope it rains tonight, i love the rai
 
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the sound of rainfall on a tin roof   
08:28am 22/09/2003
 
mood: depressed
last ight was perfect, i was sick , depressed, cold , it was raining and i was listing to armor for sleep real low, to get the effects of the rain fall in the background. i loved it. i feel real good about autumn in may , were going big places, were gonna make it. the other night the cops busted me , for stupid reasons , it was raining so i didnt care, ever notice how the rain washed away all your problems, its a emo thing. i really like this girl too, she awesome she listens to kickin music and wants to see autumn in may play , but i dont hink she likes me, i wish she did. but the rain will come, and wash everything awa
 
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you like everyone more than you ever liked me   
08:58am 07/09/2003
 
mood: depressed
why do i still love you, i dont know, but its killing me, im in so much pain and i cant get close to anyone, i know its over and your never coming back, and i hate to say this shit to look like some freakin stalker, but damn i dont care about anything youve done or anything you will do, i only care about you. but youve mover on, and your gone, and your only a out line on the fading sunset. but i just wanted to get all this shit off my chest. so i never have to talk about it again, but youknow i will, but if you read this , im sorry, you told someone i broke your heart, i just want to know how i did it without knowing, and so i can kill myself, for hurting the only one i ever really cared fo
 
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this raised high and tied in knots   
07:59am 02/09/2003
 
mood: depressed
yeah i just dont know what to think. im just fucked up now forever with releationships, and ali can be thanked for that, so can fairly, failry can just be a ass most of the times, im mean shit, were friends and now hes tryin to snake in on ali, thats bull shit, and it will be bull shit f she goes out with him on the part were i never made out with tabi or anything, and she thought i liked her, fairly was fuckin all over her and if they go out, fuck no, im killin someone or just fuckin leavin, ill pack my shit, call someone to come,probally my band, and go to fucking jersy, thats would be the biggest shit of all time, fuck it, and on top of that ive heard that like four girls like me, oh yeah THATA FUCKIN GREAT, i thought no one could like me besides ali, and now like 4 girls do and i am just so fucked up by ali and dont know what to do, i mean shit thanks a fuckin lot, i dont give a shit any more, but i dont want a releation ship but i really need one, i just need to feel like i belong, but shit this is gay

fuck i hate my life
 
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ive lost the best i ever found   
09:23am 18/08/2003
 
mood: depressed
ali broke up with me, im cool with it though, i know that this is what she wants, and i cant change her heart when its set in stone. hopefully ill find some one new, but not to soon im not ready, and just to let everyone no ali is the best i ever had, but its cool, ill just keep tellin myself that. well there will be new autumn in may songs from this, i wrote 2 in one night. one called "if only i can be used all the time" and the others "a masqurade and a tear soaked pillow". there good, but no music to them yet. well get music this weekend. they will be featured on the upcoming ep "from my broken heart to your ears" i think its gonna be tigh
 
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i hate ali   
09:10am 13/08/2003
 
mood: enthralled
whats up , guess what everyone, i am going out with the most buituful girl ever... and your NOT hahahahha. but why im goin out with her i dont no i mean i hate her, im only useing her to say i have a gf and im in love with her mom, and shes just usening me to be happy
no im just jokin, you are the best thing thats ever happened to me, please dont ruin my life and make me deppressed for 6 years
 
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love sick photographs   
09:44am 06/08/2003
 
mood: enthralled
me and fairly just got kicked out of the courthouse, it sucked. i was hitten this nice rail when the cop came and told us to leave. sos it really sucked. i started on this new song last night its called "love sick photographs". its kinda a faster harder emo song that kinda sounds like afi in the vocals, there older stuff like black sails and the art of drowning. i really like it, but as not as much as that speicel someone, yeah thats right im in love, but hey dont jump on my back it happens to the best of us, TO bad she doesnt feel the same

and anything that you do are say
cant compare to the pain
that i felt, when you said
we should go our seprate wa
 
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god called in sick today   
09:04am 05/08/2003
 
mood: lonely
today i went to go get my skates. it was raining. i love the rain. so when i got home it was about 3 50. yeah. i had football at 4. i had to fill out all this shit for football physicals, yes, i do mean when a guy grab your nuts. so i got there a little late.the gay ass docter didnt go. so all the doors were locked and they had allready started.so i chilled outside,skated it up at hanson a little but. took a nice big chunk of the front stairs from a makio grind. and then a coach rolled up and let me in. so i went strap up, then relized i dint want to run after practice so i snuck away to the court house and skated then went home. ill deal with it tommarow i dont really care. i got AFI black sails in the sunset today and listened to it alot. its pretty cool. and as i stare into your eyes i relize the butey can only be expressed in the tears of the one i love



with the sound of the ocean crashing in
7 30 friday evening
everything comes tumbling down
i choke back each tear that bleeds
id rather rest forever in your arms
id rather stay, then go but i know that i should leave

as i sit here helples
 
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the city was covered in gold   
08:38am 04/08/2003
 
mood: sore
we had football practice to day and we had to run alot and it sucked. but on the bright side i got my skates and ripped it up. rip it or grip it thats what is say. no its really not caus ethats gay. but oh well at least there is love to live for. that speicl girl will always be therre but never attainable. what if she were mine, i can only begin to dream

the city was covered in gold
and made out of dreams
anything we wanted was within our reach tonight
 
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the only one he ever loved   
08:35am 03/08/2003
 
mood: depressed
alot has happenend in the past week, for one i busted out the window on my car, for 2 i went to the movies, and for 3 i wrote a new song that im really excited about. alot of bad things happened to like i didnt get on im. and thats about it. but i havent forgotten i still love you and i always will but for now i ssay good bye, and hope you the best, just dont be gone when i get hoime your all i have
 
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the tears ive saved for you   
09:33am 30/07/2003
 
mood: flirty
last night at work some lady left her car in nutral in the parking lot and it rolled and hit my car and gave me a big dent in the driver side door . its not that bad os i get to pocket the money. so thats a lot of new cds. or a new guiatr. thats probally all ill bye. there are some mean people in this world. i hate mean rich peole that are better than every one. there such ass holes. ill still be hoping for the best. missin it all at the same time


so kiss me hard cause this will be the last time that i let you
you will be back someday and this awkwerd kiss that screams of other peoples lips
will be of service to giving you away
 
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